the bones of all things

Five times they did not love each other:

Trust

Once upon a time, Armand Russo finds two fallen angels. They look so alike, they must be brother and sister. The girl is unconscious, a brutal head injury leaking blood onto paper-pale skin, but it’s the sight of the boy that catches Roo’s breath in his throat.

Beautiful, so beautiful that he can scarcely believe it: long golden hair streaming like sunlight and river-blue eyes drowning in tears as he begs his sister to wake up. There’s an incredible ache in Roo’s chest as he listens to the angel weep with fear and pain and loss, and Roo feels more clear-headed, more free than he has since escaping Purgatory because this is something that only he can understand, not the prince or the king that do not weep but hate.

So he approaches. His heart is in his throat, but it’s his heart, so he extends a hand, offering his help.

The angel looks at him, arms wrapped protectively around his dying sister, sobs spilling from broken lips. Too-bright eyes take in the tell-tale horns and tattered clothes, the crescent-moon necklace glimmering with dark promises. The angel and the demon look at each other, and something deep in Roo’s mind shifts.

“Let me help you,” he says, and he wants to explain what this means to him, feeling like himself again, the demons in his mind for once far away, unable to conquer the sudden drum of his heart. We can protect each other, please, I need to be protected, but this world has been cruel and the fearful angel shakes his head, unable to accept or deny, but refusing all the same.

Roo hesitates, wanting to help, but the distant sound of angry voices reaches him.

The angels must have been followed; if he doesn’t hurry, they’ll catch him, too. He takes one last look at the boy, gleaming brightly, painfully as only an angel can, then hastens on his way with an odd heaviness in his heart.

Oh, well, he thinks. It’s no skin off his nose, and he can probably look out for himself. And anyway, he thinks angrily, he doesn’t need anyone's help. Already, the simmering of his demons takes him over, and he is lost to the haze of waking dreams.

Soon, he forgets the scene altogether.

The pursuing Reilah capture the angel named Gabriel and take him back to Purgatory in chains. The girl, Anya, is left behind for nature to reclaim, her blood having lost its potency upon her death.

Some time later, alone, injured, and on the run, Roo loses all vestiges of sanity. The ensuing mental breakdown wreaks havoc upon his body, causing violent seizures, unpredictable dissociation, constant hallucinations, and memory loss. In a highly unstable state during the Alcaeus tournament, he loses the fight to the Reilah princess, much to her own surprise.

“That was… easier than I expected,” she murmurs, carefully stripping the blood from her weapon. Prince Iskah does not reply, still savoring the victory, his vengeance complete and his beloved brother avenged. In the stands, Souri is huddled away from the grisly scene by Micah and Jei Dun, the pendant around her neck glimmering dully. The next morning, it will have disappeared, and neither Souri nor her friends will remember its passing.

In the sky, Gabriel will weep for centuries.

Duty

Once upon a time, King Auberon announces the birth of a princess, and is not pleased.

“It’s not that I didn’t want a daughter,” he says quietly to Novah years later, as they sit in the king’s courtyard and watch their respective children chase each other. “But she’s so rebellious, and refuses to learn anything about her responsibilities. Not to mention-“

“DADDY,” five year old Souri screams, causing both men to wince. “I found you a hermy, her name’s Berry after you, Daddy.” Thus said, she deposits the slimy creature into her father’s lap, and flounces away to a frightened-looking Micah.

“-this disgusting obsession with hermit crabs!” he despairs.

Novah doesn’t smile, but it’s a close thing. “She’s only five, Auberon,” he points out quietly. “And at least she’s spirited.”

The king seems not to have heard. “And she can’t fly…” he trails off, suddenly somber, watching Souri struggle to keep up with Micah who zips through the air with an expression saying he’s not sure whether he’s allowed to out-fly the princess. “A Fae princess that can’t fly.”

Beside him, Novah’s glasses flash, blinding in the sun. Souri loses focus and tumbles to the ground, immediately spraining her ankle. And though she cries, her father does not go to her, face dark and weary with thoughts of the future.

The future comes and goes. It doesn’t take Souri long to understand her father’s tight-lipped smiles, and by the time she’s grown up, she is an insecure, self-deprecating girl constantly carrying a touch of despair. Easy prey for Solas.

So when the pendant appears and a notorious murderer steals her away, Souri is not strong enough to fight and doesn’t really mind giving up. Solas takes the body for her use, all the while thinking silly little girl, and one would think she is sad for the unloved daughter because she razes Astral to the ground in retaliation, unable to control the rampant emotions in the heart of her host.

“This is your fault,” Micah accuses the king, and Novah doesn’t even reprimand his son because he privately thinks the same thing.

King Auberon doesn’t reply, numbly thinking of hermit crabs. They must all be gone now.

Courage

Once upon a time, Micah Lee Kenji gives Princess Souri Ada Lodette a ruby necklace, and never tells her what it means to him.

Souri’s a sweet girl, but she’s not as perceptive as she’d like to think. She thanks Micah brightly and puts the necklace on, and his heart skips because a ruby is the only way he can say this heart is for you, but Souri doesn’t hear because she doesn’t know.

She’s a sweet girl, but she’s not as sensitive as she’d like to think either, because while Micah is sweet, in this life, she does not love him. And because she does not love him, she barely registers when the necklace falls off one day and keeps going, not at all noticing the heart she’s left behind.

The necklace is picked up by a servant, whose daughter is ill and cannot pay to be healed. Because the servant loves his daughter, he sells the necklace to a noble in the court, a young lady named Vitani.

Vitani’s never seen the necklace before so she doesn’t know that it belongs to Souri, but she loves it and wears it proudly to match with some earrings the queen had given her. I make this look beautiful, she thinks, and because there is someone she loves whom she wants to impress, she wears it the next day.

“Good morning, Vitani,” Souri greets her, a little warily because there’s no knowing how Vitani will react to the slightest thing, like a cheetah petted the wrong way. But Vitani feels pretty today and hey, Micah’s there too, so she smiles brilliantly and gives Souri a hug.

When she moves back, the necklace clinks slightly, drawing both Souri and Micah’s attention.

With widening eyes, Micah recognizes it instantly. It takes Souri some time, but after a few moments of careful examination, she exclaims, “Hey, I think that’s mine!”

“What?” Vitani snaps, moving back and putting a protective hand to her throat. “No, I bought it from a servant yesterday.”

“Did he say where he got it from?” Micah asks, and only Vitani detects something off in the tone of his voice.

Her eyes narrow. “He said he found it on the floor in the west wing’s sunroom. I would’ve made him find the owner, but he seemed really sad. And anyway, I’m Souri’s friend, shouldn’t that be okay?”

“It’s fine, Vitani, I don’t really mind,” Souri cuts in before Micah can answer. “Daddy can always buy me a new one.”

Micah turns away, but not before Vitani catches the pain in his eyes and the clench of his jaw. “Oh,” she says quietly to herself, watching him stride away, back stiff and movements wooden. “Hey, Souri, how did you get the necklace?”

“Hm?” She’s busy with Miss Foo Foo. “I think Micah gave me that.”

“I see,” she replies sardonically, reaching up to undo the clasp with shaking fingers. “You know, I changed my mind. I don’t think I should have this.” She puts the heart of ruby, glinting dully, next to Souri and walks away, too upset to stand on ceremony. Souri looks up, confused at the sudden departure of her friends, and doesn’t realize that neither of them feel very friendly towards her, for one reason or another.

The next day, the king informs his daughter that she has a new bodyguard.

“What? Why? Where’s Micah?” she demands.

He shrugs, exchanging a glance with General Novah. “I don’t know,” Auberon says quickly, and Novah scowls at his friend’s betrayal as Souri instantly rounds on him.

”Where is Micah?” Her voice takes on that clipped, diamond-hard tone she’s learned from him, and Novah cringes slightly and cannot believe that he is being bullied by a teenage girl who named her bunny Miss Foo Foo.

“He’s been transferred, Souri,” he replies evasively. Behind his daughter, Auberon almost laughs at his friend’s discomfort, but sobers in pity as he remembers Micah approaching them the night before.

“I’m sorry,” he’d said, and Auberon had believed him. “I want her to be safe. But I can’t make her happy. It’s not me.”

Novah and Auberon barely had time to exchange an eye roll at teenage dramatics before Micah bowed, fists clenched before him. “Please,” he said, and how could his father say no to that?

“Why was he transferred?” Souri needles.

“…” Novah mumbles into his tea. His wife’s herbal tea. Somehow, she’d known he would need it today.

“Souri,” Queen Fala intercedes, completely calm and shooting the immediately contrite men a look saying alright, children, you owe for me this. “Micah had no choice. And anyway, you don’t want to offend your new bodyguard, do you?”

“I guess not,” she frowns. “But I want Micah back now.”

The queen gestures, and Altan moves to kneel before the royals immediately. “Sir Micah has been called away to train in the army, my lady,” he lies through his teeth. “He sends his sincerest apologies and swears to return as soon as he can, but until then, may I have the honor of protecting you, Your Highness?”

“Oh, fine,” she sighs, then straightens at a stern look from her mother. “I mean, I would be honored, Sir…”

“Altan,” he replies in relief. “Altan Edwin Frey.”

“Really?” Souri stares at him, successfully distracted. “Wow, I am so sorry.”

This makes him frown. “What’s wrong with my name?” But the queen is already ushering Souri out, mouthing apologies to Altan as she goes. At the breakfast table, Novah blinks rapidly, eyes strangely dilated, as Auberon laughs quietly.

Souri doesn’t really want to go to Sin City without Micah, but the arrangements have already been made, and she can’t very well cancel when her father’s given her a brand new airship of her own. So they go to Sin City, but Altan is much stricter than Micah ever was and refuses to let her walk about the city, citing unnecessary danger, so Souri and Jei Dun never meet the McCloud family.

They don’t go to the tournament either, because Souri’s finally found the one person who doesn’t respond at all to her most dangerous tones. The trip concludes with Souri’s succinct summarization as “absolutely boring” and they return to Astral posthaste, and to the king and queen’s relief, Souri seems to have lost her interest in travel.

Time passes. The princess grows up and falls in love with a visiting noble. They get married and Micah attends the wedding with only a pang of regret, having mostly accepted his loss and moving on quietly, unwilling to hurt her, preparing to succeed his father one day as general. One day, they’ll be the ones sitting at the table, laughing quietly at the foibles of their respective progeny, and Souri will never realize how much she had hurt her best friend, who will always love her.

Jek’s reincarnation never finds Solas. Roo eventually dies as the angel blood in his system runs out, but he won’t let Gabriel offer his blood and Gabriel doesn’t offer anyway, knowing that to do so would only make his suffering worse. When Roo passes away, Gabriel only cries a little before burying the person who’d saved him, protected him, known him. In the process, he gets a cut on his wrist, because Roo is really heavy and didn’t Gabriel tell him to lose some weight?

Tears blind him as he sits down heavily, staring at his arm. It’s only a tiny cut, not very problematic even with his hemophilia. Roo would bandage this for him, but Roo’s not here anymore. He should probably get up and fix this, but something keeps Gabriel there, something that he supposes he meant to do anyway.

Slowly, the strength leaves his body. Gabriel curls up on Roo’s grave and is thankful that Roo died first, because Roo would never have had the strength to let go. Gabriel falls asleep thinking about Roo, and when people later find him like this, they leave him alone, because there’s nothing more beautiful than an angel dreaming.

Patience

Once upon a time, when Lili marries Novah Kenji, she knows she’s in for it.

It’s not like she can say no. They’ve known each other forever, and they both know she’s the only one he’ll ever be truly happy with because she is the only one who will put up with his shit. She regards the empty side of the bed for several minutes before she gets up and thinks, was I an idiot?

“Hey, Mom,” her eldest, Nikitah, yawns as he walks by. “Corinna peed all over Danah again. And Micah wrote to say he’s bringing the twins today.”

“Thanks, sweetheart.” She watches him gesture to empty air, conversing in low tones, and thinks, yeah, I was an idiot.

Sighing, she goes to deal with her youngest children. Danah is so deeply asleep that he doesn’t even notice when she bathes him, his huge, childish eyes scrunched tightly against the morning light. She smiles a little, running her hand over her baby’s soft hair, smoothing it out of his face. She rarely gets the chance much to enjoy her time with her children, having so many of them, and it’s times like these when she’s wrapping her son in a soft green blanket and compulsively hugging him to her that she feels it was worth it.

Corinna’s crying draws her back to reality. She puts Danah back to bed after changing the sheets, then takes Corinna to her room to feed her. Exhausted already though she’d only just woken up, she lets her head fall back to the headboard with a thump.

As general, Novah was never home much. He tried, but it’s not like wars will wait, and it’s her own fault for marrying into a military family, just like her mother before her. And there’s only so much a woman can take, really. So she’d told him to leave for good, told him to get out and stay out until he could appreciate what she did for him.  

“Men are proud, Lili,” her mother used to say, before teaching her the recipe to the tea she now drinks religiously. “This is how you live with them.”

Lili drinks her tea. She doesn’t live with him anymore.

Love

Once upon a time, Enki watches Jek and Solas on their wedding day, eyes bright as stars, and doesn’t feel a thing.

“Enki,” Solas says, having torn herself away from her new husband long enough to find him, hidden safely in a balcony off the ballroom, “what are you doing out here? It’s so dark, you can barely see anything.”

He looks at her and realizes that everything about her is bright, from her shimmering golden clothes to the light in her eyes and hair. I might have loved you, he thinks, and I might have done awful things because of it, but he doesn’t, so that is that.

“I don’t have to see something to know it’s beautiful, Solas,” he finally says, turning back to look at the distant sprawl of stars, the grind of the skies as they rotate like an uncertain bowl.

“I see.” She steps up beside him to place her hands delicately on the iron railing, copying his formless pose. “You’re so very dark, Enki,” she teases him. He thinks he might hate her for that but it’s true, and Solas never means anything hurtful, or at least he’d like to think so. “But I think I understand.”

He dares to glance at her. She’s tipped her head back, looking for the north star, and for a moment he thinks again what he might have done to have her, what he might have done to make sure Jek never could have her. But she is happy and beautiful, and in this life, he does care but not nearly enough.

“It’s over there.” He points up, and almost as if in response, the star bursts into fresh twinkles, as if to show off how pretty it is now that someone’s looking. Solas peers at it, exclaiming softly in delight, and it’s nice to just share a moment like this with his new sister-in-law. Enki’s never had a sister, but he’d like to try.

“Solas?” He waits until she looks at him, stars in her eyes. “I’m really happy for you.”

Stars, brilliant, beautiful, fallen stars dripping from her eyes. “Thank you, Enki. I hoped so much to hear that.” Gasping a little with light, stilted laughter, she quickly cleans her face. “You’ve given me the best wedding present.”

He nods. “That’s good, because I didn’t actually get you one.”

That makes her laugh, full and sweet. His mouth twitches.

Later, he’ll give Jek his congratulations and sincere best wishes for happiness. Later, he’ll visit Solas and Jek every year, and they’ll name their first son after him because he’s the only one who can get the child to smile. Later, they’ll all be perfectly happy and blinded with it-  

-Because Purgatory never loses its light and Prince Asoka never loses his wings, and Solas was right when she called Enki dark because he lives on and on even as his brother ages and dies. But there is nothing to stop him from collecting angels now, because Solas trusts him and leaves this world peacefully, making it easy to keep dark secrets and let them flourish.

In the dungeons of Purgatory, there is no light. Armand Russo shudders and thinks about angels. He decides he hates them.

And the one time they did:

Once upon a time, they all lived happily ever after.